Cruising Beachbum

So, You Fancy a House in Paradise?

2011-04-01T01:25:00.000-07:00

There's a cynical saying in the UK regarding marriage.

'Find someone you don't like and buy them a house'!

In Thailand it's the same, same but different,

'Find someone you think you like,

but in fact you know absolutely nothing about,

and out sheer stubbornness and contempt

for the obstacles before you,

buy a house and put it in his/her name'.

No-one in the 'land of smiles'

would ever let you down!'.

The subject of 'relationships' here in Thailand

is not just a 'blog'

but a full scale novel,

so I will stick to the subject in hand

and save the meaty 'relationship'

subject for another time.

My particular scenario takes place in Phuket,

where, having visited for holidays for a number of years,

I decided, in view of my more frequent

visits and extended stays,

it was a good idea to buy a property.

A detached three bedroom bungalow,

with two bathrooms, a corner situation

and most importantly, great potential,

caught my eye.

Built around 22 years it was of solid construction,

a good size and not a termite to be seen.

When I think back, this will be only the third property

I have ever bought

and the previous two ( in the UK )

were also bought on total impulse.

So, here we go again,

I have 5 days remaining of my stay in Phuket

and have made a commitment to buy a property.

Never say die, I arranged the money

to be transferred from the UK and one week later,

I was, I thought,

the proud owner of a property in Thailand.

A neat and tidy property,

but build 20+ years ago and in need of renovation.

However, the price was right at 2m Baht,

the exchange rate at the time being

69.8 Baht to the UK Pound,

working out at approx. 30,000 Pounds.

Solid construction, with a sizable, overgrown garden, So what could go wrong!

Carport by the front door (it's a Thai thing) and my first thought was 'that will have to go!' Around the corner actually, where the overgrown garden currently features.

Not too crowded with neighbouring properties,

but for sure,

it needed a 'face lift'.

Upon showing interest in the property,

the seller promptly

had the over-grown garden cleared.

The five days remaining of my stay,

before heading back to the UK and

back to work,

was spent legging it around various

'Home Renovation Stores' for tiles,

air-con units, doors, windows, etc etc.

Thankfully, a good friend, living in the same area

volunteered to oversee the project.

The rear of the property,

currently an outdoor passageway,

became an extension to the kitchen

and a utility room.

Not part of the original renovation,

but some two years later,

not satisfied with a neat driveway,

now positioned at the rear of the property,

I saw an opportunity to install a pool.

This part of the project was now under new management.

A different builder

(attached to whom is a long story, coming later.......)

and an adventurous project.

The object of the exercise,

to incorporate a car-port,

with a pool and terrace above.

This required reinforced concrete 'pilings'

going down to solid ground 27 meters below!

Unfortunately, I was so shocked at the noise

that an innocent looking wooden tripod

could make,

I didn't get a photograph of the contraption,

but, the noise

was so horrendous I took cover indoors

(actually at the beach)

until the week-long operation was finished.

Conscious of the disturbance

I was causing the neighbours,

I went to the fruit and vegetable market

and filled the

trolley with goodies which I then 'bagged'

and distributed to the neighbours,

as a token apology.

(In reality, the neighbours were more than understanding

and looked at me in amazement

as I distributed the goods, door to door)

The end result can be seen later in the 'blog'.

This is the original site

of what became a kitchen,

with car-port, subsequently demolished

and replace by another car-port and pool & terrace.

The driveway being carefully laid above, had

to be demolished to make way for the pilings and

foundations for the pool.

Going back to the original renovation, above is,

what became the kitchen,

but which was a totally empty room.

The area visible outside the kitchen

was covered and became an extension to the kitchen,

incorporating a utility room.

This picture is in the wrong place, but replacing it

would mean starting the blog from 'scratch',

so you need to use your imagination.

The third project, was actually the second,

as I completed this the year before the

pool - terrace. epic.

The end result of phase 1 of 3 after planting.

Please note the NV pickup as thereby hangs

another story.

Before the original car-port construction...

And after......

The completed 'water-wall' and pond at the

front of the property.

And the newly completed car-port, pool & terrace.

The pool, 4.5 meters x 2.5 with infinity end.

Including Sala, for shade and comfort.

Giving an idea of the height from the road.

And the spectacular mountain and Buddha views

to enjoy from the terrace.

Access by iron spiral staircase.

No more projects! this is the end result.

The front of the property showing the now well

established plants and shrubs, along with a single

pedestrian gate for access.

Looking the opposite way, the planting,

now established,

offers privacy and shade.

And finally, the now well established 'water-wall',

as the dominant feature of the front terrace

(formerly a driveway)

resplendent with orchids and other air plants

and a well stocked pond.

Having set the scene, there is much more to come

on the subject, which will be added soon.

The beachbum

What do you do when the rain comes?

2011-03-30T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well, there are a lot of things you can't do,

especially when you also have a four hour electricity black-out,

so the long awaited intensive house cleaning finally got underway.

Oh yes, and then there's the cats.

In the middle of sorting out life in general

with Chris the crazy German,

all hell broke loose outside.

Another of the kittens had fallen into the pond.

Holy shit, that's three with two survivors (this time).

So next job is to put a net across the pond,

to save on 'stress'.

Rainy Phuket

2011-03-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

It takes rain to maintain 'paradise'

as Big Budha will confirm.

This photo taken from the terrace at the rear of the house.

And to keep the garden looking good,

particularly the orchids and other air plants.

The bourganvilla also enjoy the rain,

before starving themselves

to produce spectacular displays.

No idea of the name of this colourful red,

orange and yellow bush,

but it grows in abundance whatever the weather,

around Phuket.....

I'll call it 'Flambouyant'.

And the amazing 'moonflower'

which normally needs the sun

to build up it's strength for 'showtime' in the evenings,

doesn't seem to mind the lack of sunshine too much.

However! Our furry friends beg to differ!!

A noisy start to the day, with the rain hammering on the roof, but the noise of the rain was nothing compared with the almighty row when, during a short period of sunshine, one of the kittens (the brother or sister of the above) decided to vent her curiosity and fell into the pond. We're already down from 4 to 3, having had one drown a couple of days ago and had I not been around on this occasion, for sure we would have been down to 2.

Mama Mia! Taking care of this lot is stressful!

Had a meeting with Roger (next door) about well's and electric (now that makes for fascinating subjects!) but had to cut it short as friends were due to arrive on the island.

The Queen Mary was anchored in Patong today giving me a chance to get together with Carole & Richard who I haven't seen for almost 10 years. We had an all too brief chat at Nikita's in Rawai, along with Mike & his Thai wife 'Happy', who unbeknown to me, live here in Phuket but who I haven't seen for around 20 years.

Following our gathering and whilst I was in the area, I made an attempt to visit Nai Harn, but the weather decided it had more to throw at us, so I diverted to home.

Now, I have a serious schedule ahead of me tonight, as I need to catch up on 5 episodes of Coronation Street.

Sad Isn't it?

Beachbum.

Nai Harn Beach, Phuket

2011-03-26T22:14:00.000-07:00

Mutt, relaxing after a hard day cooking!

One of the most beautiful spots in Phuket and possibly in the whole of Thailand is Nai Harn Beach. Located in the south of the island and around a 15 minute drive from home.

It is no secret to those who know me that I spend most afternoons (weather permitting) at this glorious location, made even more special by the way I am treated by the local guys who work there.

I'm talking about Mutt (pictured above), Pon, Pan, DaDa, & Ruoy who ensure I am fed, watered and well entertained.

2 days are never the same

As you can see

A stunning site with the storm clouds brewing

It's now 1pm and low and behold, the storm clouds seem to have dispersed. Looks like an afternoon at the beach is called for.

Beachbum

Back to Blogging

2011-03-26T03:53:00.000-07:00

Martine before her recent delivery

It's been a while I know, but believe it or not,

there have been a few distractions here in 'paradise'.

Now where to start?

I guess it would be as well to start with 'today'

then at least we are up to date,

otherwise I won't have caught up for another 18 months.

It's a grey, rain sodden day and looking out the window,

just about as far removed from 'paradise' as you could be.

Both 'Minky' and 'Martine' the resident cats,

have produced litters within the past couple of weeks,

the latter, only a matter of 2 days ago,

however, she (Martine) decided (through a little bit of jealousy I feel,)

to present one of her 2 day-old off-spring on the mat by the front door.

So, we have 'Minky' with 3 of her original 4

(sadly, one was found dead in the pond this morning)

and still unable to see, a single representative of Martine's brood

all curled up on the front door mat, trying to brave the cold.

(It's around 25 degrees C!)

Curled up inside, is Peter, my house-mate,

who has just turned off the fan

and who has returned for the weekend from Sarasin area (north end of the island)

where he has been recently placed for his first contract as a school teacher.

I'm proud of this guy, as it is a highly respected profession,

particularly here in Thailand and quite difficult,

by all accounts to qualify.

Around a year ago,

whilst he was working full time at Cape Panwa Resort as a bell-boy,

he spent all of his spare time

(which is very little if you know the working hours expected in Thailand)

studying for his teachers exam.

He took 3 weeks off work, with no pay,

immediately before the exam and studied throughout the day

and most of the night in preparation for what,

to him would be a turning point in his life....to pass the teachers exam.

Despite passing the exam it was months before the Education Authority

finally contacted him to give him his placement.

He was given 2 days notice to get his shit together,

give his notice to quit at Cape Panwa Resort

and start work as a School Teacher.

Now, despite losing quite a considerable amount of money

through his being unable to give sufficient notice at his former employment,

he is totally happy with his new life

and particularly as his family (mother, father, brothers, sisters)

all benefit from the national health care,

due to his revered and respected position.

He is now considering studying (at weekends) for his 'Masters Degree'

to improve his position even further,

which would take at least 2 years.

I'm trying purposely, especially in view of the lousy weather we're experiencing,

to keep to the positive side of life here in Thailand.

Freda (a former school teacher/master in UK)

is also deserving of a mention.

I met Freda (not his real name) maybe around three years ago

as he is a regular swimmer at my/our favourite haunt, Nai Harn Beach.

He has been a resident in Thailand, I think for around 10 years,

the first 5 being on Phi Phi Island, until the Tsunami. Since the Tsunami, five years ago,

Freda has worked endlessly on Phi Phi Aid, which he established

and along with his many contacts has raised considerable amounts of money

to try to give relief to those (particularly children)

who suffered greatly as a result of that fateful day.

Freda hasn't just given money,

he has given considerable moral and physical support and continues to do so.

Freda is now 75 years young

and began 'diving' the same year he gave up smoking,

at the tender age of 60.

He has completed upwards of 777 dives around Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia

and is hoping to reach 800 before the end of this season.

Freda still has time to give private English lessons,

many of which are conducted in the privacy and comfort of his classic car

with tinted windows and reclining seats.

What will you be doing at 75 ?

One more positive, then I must save the negatives for next time.

A Royal Swedish Cross

is deserved for a dear friend Gypsy Rose

who has gone way beyond the call of duty

to cement Sea Gypsy / Farang (foreigner) relations.

Dick and Dorothy Club Outings.

2009-08-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

Nelly Dunn and Nifty Nora

took a break from their prize winning Jam Making to prepare and serve a sumptuous dinner for their special guests Freda Gilder and Rosie Glow.

Freda and Rosie would like to take the opportunity to say a BIG thank you for a delightful evening.

A special mention should be made to Housekeeper 'Nik' who assisted Nifty and Nelly in 'meet and greet' as well as in the pre-dinner drinks and dinner service. (His silverware was outstanding).

Man of the House 'Pon', made a handsome addition to the table, as he dutifully took his place at Nelly's side and worked his way through 'unfamiliar' fare.

Prize-winning Jam, admired by the VIP judge

Nifty and Nelly's attention to detail, along with their vast shopping experience, meant that only the best ingredients would be used and days of planning meant the desert of

Trifle d' Engletaire would be their grand finale.

Nifty and Nelly discussing the finer points of their dinner party

Following a dinner party of such magnitude, using only the best china and crystal, it came as no surprise to see Nifty's 'hands on' willingness to ensure the 'family jewels' remained in tact, in readiness for their next gastronomic extravaganza.

....and always with a smile!
Once again, Thank you for a lovely evening.

the beach bum

Equal thanks

should also be given, on behalf of all the members of the Dick and Dorothy Club to Gypsy Rose for a tremendous day out at the beach. An army of assistants ensured the cleaning and preparations were up to the usual high standards.

Cleaning operatives, sponsored by the

National Oral Hygiene Organisation.

Grateful members with hands on hips and legs akimbo
show off their matching hats.

A day at the beach wouldn't be complete
without beach games.

Waiting for lunch to be served, Alice & Beryl
were happy to discuss head-gear.

All the better people were there for this special day out. Beryl Baanbound, renowned for her domesticity took a little time adjusting to the outdoor life but soon began to settle and at one stage was on the edge of removing her frock.
Maise Wood was her usual effervescent self and with her bright yellow hat and high kicks, would have been totally at home in a re-make of South Pacific.
Alice Rock stole the show in her picture hat, with a large enough brim to shade herself and the immediate company. She settled well with her ever attentive man (between casting his rod) ensuring she had a regular supply of 'tinnies'.
Freda Gilder, a self confessed workaholic, transferred her English Lessons from the seclusion of her blacked out car, (with reclining seats) to nearby rocks ( a not unfamiliar terrain). She even took one of her pupils underwater, for an unforgettable experience.
Rosie Glow, though making a slow start by 'upping' her caffeine count, soon fell off the wagon and into a deep hole, it would appear by the ensuing results, filled with LEO beer. She made a hopeless attempt at sobriety, confirmed by a constant 'whistle' in her speech and more obviously, by continually falling over.
Gypsy Rose's usual phobia was to come to light again, when, after serving her gastronomic feast to the guests, tried to confirm her own theory of 'rapid evaporation' by attempting to consume any liquid within reach.
The Thai 'soldiers' present, who, like on similar 'mixed' events, showed their usual fortitude and courage and tried their best, with their usual subtlety, to guide their 'charges' through the day.
Helga Hopper remained placid throughout and despite 'sinking' quite a quantity of beer, kept her cast-iron constitution in tact, coming into her own, when, along with the Thai 'soldiers', assisted the 'less able' to evacuate the island.
Gert Biggun remained a 'rock' as ever and took everything in her stride. Like flying an aircraft, she reached a dizzy altitude and remained there throughout our stay.

Thank you once again to Gypsy Rose and all your 'soldiers' for an exciting and ultimately very adventurous day.

AND FINALLY

The Belasconies were disappointed they couldn't attend.

the beach bum

Antarctica: the most southerly reaches.

2009-08-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

Before leaving south Georgia, we also visited Stromness, a former whaling station and Grytviken Church which was brought from Norway and assembled in South Georgia in 1913.

The Church was consecrated on Christmas day that year and the two Church bells, cast in Tønsberg, were first rung at midnight on Christmas Eve.

The building was planned by Captain C. A. Larsen who set up the whaling station in 1904.

We were fortunate not only in the timing of visiting Grytviken on Christmas day, but by also having on board Canon Ian Ainsworth Smith who conducted a brief but very moving service for the adventurers on board.
The visit wouldn't have been complete, had we not also visited the Cemetery where many whalers and sealers were buried. The most famous of the approximately 200 graves, is that of Sir Ernest Shackleton, who died in 1922.

The most recent burial was that of an Argentinian submariner, who was buried during the Argentine / British conflict in 1982

The only way ashore is by Zodiac

Stromness Whaling Station

Grytviken Church

Grytviken Church Interior

A funeral proceeding to the church

The grave of Sir Ernest Shackleton

Many considerations must be taken into account before a ship can successfully complete a journey of this kind, fuel and water being the two most important.
Having crossed the South Atlantic and Scotia Sea, to visit South Georgia, we would now need to take on supplies of both fuel and water, to sustain our passage to Antarctica.
We therefore headed in a westerly direction to the Falkland Islands, where , weather permitting, we would be able to dock at Stanley and take on sufficient supplies for our journey south.

Following the turbulent crossing to South Georgia, it came as a pleasant surprise to be able to enjoy a relatively smooth return and the good weather greeted us at Stanley as we docked alongside.
Whilst the ship was re-stocked, it gave us an opportunity to explore the small but fascinating town of Stanley.

Stanley, Falkland Islands

Christ Church Cathedral

Christ Church Cathedral Interior

Gorse in Bloom

' A little bit of Britain' sprang to mind as we explored the town, With its stone built Christ Church Cathedral, many distinctly English pubs, red telephone boxes and even a double decker bus. With it's brightly painted houses, including the distinctive 'Jubilee Terrace' and beautifully tended gardens boasting resplendent blooms of Lupins and Gorse, you could forget for a moment you are in the South Atlantic.
One of the most imposing landmarks is on the waterfront of Stanley, facing the harbour adjacent to Thatcher Drive is Liberation Monument, built in 1982 'In Memory of those who liberated us'.

A typical well-tended garden

Once the fresh supplies were loaded, we were then able to explore the more remote areas of the Falkland such as Weddell Island and Pebble Island enjoying the amazing wildlife, such as King Penguins, Rock Hopper Penguins, Elephant Seals and an abundance of Giant Petrels and Albatross.

The rockhopper penguin

The majestic Albatross resting before flight

So far, we have been fortunate to have landed ashore at all of the scheduled destinations, but would our luck hold out?
Without doubt, the highlight of our voyage was ahead of us, (as was Drake Passage!).
Despite weather information being available via various international stations within the Antarctic Region, the actuality is that the weather can change, sometimes on a hourly basis.

This fact, along with the added precautions necessary to avoid floating pack-ice, means the Captain must remain vigilant at all times. The Navigating Officers and Able Seamen must keep a 24 hour watch over the ensuing days until we are clear of the often treacherous waters of the South Atlantic.
Landings in Antarctica are strictly controlled and each vessel must carry an 'Expedition Team' authorised by the International Antarctic Association Treaty Organisation, comprising 28 nations, 21 of whom have made no claim to Antarctic Territory, although Russia and the United States have reserved the right to do. The countries that have made claims to 'slices of the pie' include, Britain, Norway, Australia, France, New Zealand, Chili and Argentina.

Perhaps one of the most unusual visits during our exploration of Antarctica was to Port Lockroy, a British Base located on Goudier Island.
Following a conservation survey in 1994, Port Lockroy was recognised for its historical importance and designated as Historic Site and Monument under the Antarctic Treaty. The renovation work was done by a team from the British Antarctic Survey.
The trust also runs the post-office at Port Lockroy on behalf of the Government of the British Antarctic Territory, which donates a proportion of the Post Office revenue to the Trust. Around 70,000 cards are posted each year to over 100 countries.
Mail usually takes from 2 – 6 weeks and there is no express service!
The gentoo penguin population on Goudier Island has been monitored since the base was re-opened in 1996, giving vital information on the environmental factors which may influence their population dynamics.
The four brave representatives of the UK Antarctic Heritage Trust, were pleased to come on board during our brief visit and enjoy and hearty meal and more importantly a steaming hot shower.

No-one quite knew what we had in store, but I hope the pictures you have seen, though unable to capture the extent of this awesome wilderness, have given you a flavour at least – and maybe enough of a taste to encourage you to go.

AND FINALLY

The Belasconies planning their next adventure!

the beach bum

Nai Harn Beach, Phuket W.I. Meeting

2009-08-14T05:04:00.000-07:00

Phuket Island
NAI HARN Branch Meeting of the Women's Institute.

Present
Girt Biggun
Gipsy Rose
Teresa Trollop
Ruby B'llend
Vaseline Vera
Freda Gilder

Apologies for Absence
Nifty Nora (unable to attend due to heavy training session
for the 'Canary Islands' power-walking Championships.)
Nelly Dunn (unable to attend due to a special request,
as a major shareholder, to attend Phuket's 'Tops' Supermarket, AGM.)

Items on the Agenda

'Various Ways to extend your stay'
A talk given by Ruby B'llend.

'Advise on how to get up the Gully' by Freda Gilder.
(Please bring your walking shoes)

Teresa Trollop will explain the art of ' Juggling humans'.

'How to hold down a job' by Vaseline Vera

'The Perfect Houseboy's Uniform'
A dressmaking class by Nifty Nora.

'English Language Lessons' – One to One – by Freda Gilder.
(These lessons will take place in Freda's car.)

'First Aid Course' with Gypsy Rose.

'20 Things to do with a potato (in the tropics)'
by Nifty Nora (please note, Nifty will require
the potatoes to be prepared in advance.)

Everyone's a willing hand at the W.I.

'Advanced Medical Care' by Gypsy Rose.

'Advanced Juggling Forum' – not for the faint-hearted.
This will include multi-national juggling, with Teresa Trollop.

'Calendar Boys' – Photography at its best with Girt Biggun.
(please note, Girt is still hunting for Mr. November and Mr December.)

'Computer Studies – or – 'How to get in the 'back-end '
with Gypsy Rose.

Due to the absence of Nelly Dunn & Nifty Nora,
the members present agreed to extend their demonstrations,
to include the following:-

To replace Nifty's Dressmaking class,
Ruby B'llend will demonstrate the art of cross dressing.

As a build up to Freda's Diving Course,
she will use Teresa Trollop to demonstrate the art of
'breath control' (or, how to keep your mouth shut, when

you are in deep water)

Vaseline Vera prepared herself
for her death defying party piece in 'escapology'.
Once 'greased' she managed to fold herself under her chair
and escaped (to the amazement of the crowd)
from eating her meal..

Nelly and Nifty promised to give full attention
to their contribution at the following meeting
and assured (by proxy) the members wouldn't be disappointed.
Providing they can get hold of their castanets ,
they have promised a combined
demonstration in Spanish Dancing.

Nelly Dunn & Nifty Nora taking a break from shopping

The meeting ended 10 hours after it started.

The highlight for next month will be
the annual Beach Volley Ball Championships....
and the team can't wait!

the beach bum

Thai Language

2009-08-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

Now that we have established we are in Phuket, Thailand,
maybe we should have a go at the Thai language.
Amazingly, on this beautiful tropical island,
there never seems to be a shortage
of this life-sustaining commodity.
It is a highly regarded and respected
part of every day life and therefore
seems appropriate to begin with
NAHM (water) and its associated links.

Floating Market

NAHM PLAO (literally means water-empty, or plain water).
Many liquids use the word NAHM,
the following being a few examples :-
NAHM KENG (ice)
NAHM MAN RUT (petrol)
NAHM BPLAH (fish sauce)
NAHM MAN PEUT (cooking oil)
NAHM MAN MA PRAO (coconut oil)
NAHM MA PRAO (coconut water)
NAHM KA-TI (coconut milk for use, for example, in curry sauce)
NAHM TAN (sugar: not quite following the rules, but it is put into liquid)
NAHM SOM KHAN (orange juice)
NAHM MA-NAO (lemon juice)
NAHM DENG (red Sprite)
NAHM KEO (green Sprite)
NAHM SOM (orange drink)
NAHM TALAY (sea)
NAHM HORNG (toilet)
There are many more words including the word (NAHM)
but the words above are the most useful.
The next word, essential to 'get by' in Thailand is KRAP,
usually causing a titter amongst English speaking visitors
but probably the most important word in Thai language.
The word changes according
to whether it is used by a man or a woman.
KRAP would be used only by a man
and the equivalent KA used by the woman.
It has several meanings including,
thank you, please, ok and sir and is added out of politeness,
to most sentences. It's most common use is in greetings.
SAWADEE KRAP
(hello, goodbye, good morning, good afternoon, good evening)
the phrase would often be followed by
SABI DEE MAI (how are you),
which would be answered SABI DEE KRAP
(I am fine, thank you)
KORP KOON KRAP (thank you)
Remember that each time the word KRAP is used
the female would use the word KA.
Basic numbers are also useful to know :-
NEUNG (one)
SONG (two)
SAAM (three)
SEE (four)
HAA (five)
HOCK (six)
JET (seven)
BPET (eight)
GAO (nine)
SIP (ten)
Sitting at a Cafe:
Sawadee Krap (Ka),
(reply: Sawadee krap (Ka),
Sabai dee mai?,(reply: Sabai dee krap (ka)
Beer Singha Song Koo-ut, (Koo-ut means bottle) Krap (Ka).
Nahm plao neung koo-ut, krap (ka)
When the drinks arrive:
Korp koon krap (Ka) : Thank you
Upon leaving: Sawadee krap (ka): goodbye

Congratulations,
you have just ordered and enjoyed two Singha Beers
and a bottle of water.

The beachbum

The 'Sweet Factory' first choice

2009-08-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

Muscle Mary

Don't be mislead into thinking
that all Thai men are small framed 'pretty boys'.
Yes they are around, but in the minority.
It's time to introduce you to a very special guy,
who is more typical yet extraordinary.
A guy I sort of 'met' on the beach,
affectionately known to me, anyway, as Muscle Mary.

Amazing Thailand
beachbum.

My Introduction to Thailand

2009-08-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

Before we leave for Antarctica, it's time to 'come out'

and to talk about living on this tropical island paradise.

The best comparison I've heard,

to living in Europe or the Americas

is that it's like living in a

'Sweet Factory' rather than an 'Antiques Shop'.

The indigenous people are polite and courteous,

(except when they are behind a wheel!)

fastidious about their appearance and hygiene,

totally open minded and accepting of each other,

with a live and let live approach to life.

They are caring and kind towards each other

(greeting with 'Have you eaten?')

and respectful towards their elders.

They are passionate and proud of their country

and particularly their monarchy

and have a continuing love affair with food.

I'm talking of course of the Kingdom of Thailand.

I had the good fortune, four years ago,

to be able to set up home on the tropical island of Phuket.

I had been visiting Phuket for some five or six years previously,

for just a few weeks each year,

staying in the 'Benidorm' of Phuket, Patong.

During my very first visit to the island,

the hustle and bustle, girlie bars, boysie bars, beach sellers,

street sellers and Indian Tailors Shops,

was tempered by meeting Chatree,

a young man of around 26 years old

originally from Trang, South of Phuket.

Not only did he give me

a sexually passionate introduction to Thailand,

but also gave me an insight into 'real' Thailand

and the 'real' people who exist

outside the over-commercialised Patong.

We visited his home in a small village 10 miles outside of Trang,

where almost all the residents,

were close or distantly related.

We stayed for several days with his mother

and two younger brothers (father it seemed,

who worked on rubber trees

had gone on one of his frequent 'walkabouts').

His mother, brothers and neighbours

couldn't have been more kind and courteous

and as I sat by the roadside,

outside their house, attempting to keep cool,

soon realised by the reaction of passers by

(some of whom almost fell off their motorbikes),

that being the only non-Thai for miles around,

I was good for novelty value.

To celebrate my being there,

it was suggested we would have a 'Barbeque'

at his grandparents freshwater fish farm,

just a mile or so outside the village.

This required a visit to the local market,

where we bought fish, meat and vegetables,

plus a case or two of Beer Chang.

Once we returned to the house,

the neighbours swarmed the vehicle

and all but the Beer Chang, was whisked away.

By the time we arrived at the farm,

the ladies of the village were en-mass

in charge of their own contribution to the feast.

The men of the village were sitting in a circle

under a tree lit by a fluorescent light, waiting,

I was told, for the 'guest of honour'.

Armed with the cases of Beer Chang,

It was needless to say, a popular arrival.

Chatree and I were invited to join the circle

and the beer distributed,

followed closely by the monstrous amount of delicious food

prepared from a relatively

small amount of ingredients.

As the evening progressed,

the Beer Chang had its relaxing effect

and one of the guys produced a guitar,

from which point it was all 'down hill'.

Following many Thai renditions,

slipping slightly out of tune

mainly because of the Beer Chang,

I was asked to sing an English song.

I raked out of my beer soaked brain,

one of the most 'wordy' songs I could have chosen

and knew full well there was absolutely no chance

of anyone in the esteemed company

understanding a word of what I was singing about,

however the tune was 'catchy'

and the entire company were soon

rocking from side to side. 'Barefoot Days' was a hit!,

so much so that 'grandma' who stood at around 4' tall

sat beside me.

She looked as if she could have been my grandmother,

let alone the grandmother of a 26 year old,

but was absolutely charming

and fascinated by me.....

the first Englishman (actually the first non-Asian)

she had ever seen in the flesh, in her life.

Between being asked to dance on several occasions

by 'Mr Africa' as he was known,

due to his African rather than Thai appearance,

I returned to grandma's side

who was totally intrigued by my hairy arms

and was continually stroking and feeling

the texture of my skin.

The entire few days was totally memorable

with 'Chicken cooked in Coca Cola'

at the waterfall in the mountains,

(you should try it sometime),

visits to local temples

and a few card games

on a variety of totally secluded beaches.

Needless to say,

I was hooked on Thailand.

I had experienced beautiful people

in their stunningly natural surroundings.

We returned to 'Air Conditioned' Patong,

but my mind was still in Trang

and all it gave to me.

AMAZING THAILAND.

The beachbum

Christmas in South Georgia

2009-08-07T23:31:00.000-07:00

I guess, as promised in the introductory blog,

you are waiting for me to dish the dirt on a
few suspects, but before I do,

I need to set the scenes to give you an idea

of what I'm about and the environment

from where the 'dirt' originates.

South Atlantic Ocean

My first venture away from my tropical paradise,

is to one of the most spectacular beaches you will EVER see.

To get there you would firstly need to make your way

to the southern tip of South America,

to Ushuaia, Argentina, the most southerly city in the world.

Ushuaia, Argentina

From there you would need

to arrange a vessel with ice breaker capabilities

(just in case) and allow yourself

at least a week for the journey.

The journey will take you in an easterly direction,

crossing Drake Passage,

passing the Falkland Islands to the north,

and across the Scotia Sea,

passing the Northern Peninsula of Antarctica to the south.

The summer months in the southern hemisphere,

December, January, February,

are the optimum times to visit this remote outpost,

administered by the UK, but, as with the Falkland Islands,

claimed by Argentina.

Sir Ernest Shackleton

There are some 200 graves on the island of South Georgia

dating from 1820 onwards, including

that of the famous Antarctic explorer

Sir Ernest Shackleton (died in 1922) whose British

Antarctic Expedition (1908-09)

established the route to the South Pole

subsequently followed by Roald Amundsen

and Robert Scott.

In one of the most remarkable small boat journeys in

maritime history,

in 1916 Shackleton crossed the Scotia Sea in a 7 meter boat,

'James Caird' to reach South Georgia

and organize the successful rescue of his expedition team

stranded on Elephant Island following the loss

of their ship Endurance

In the process, Shackleton accompanied

by Frank Worsley and Tom Crean,

trekked the island's glaciated and rugged terrain

between King Haakon Bay and the Stromness whaling station.

Thousands of penguin chicks, just a few weeks old.

Following a rough crossing of the Scotia Sea,

no-one could believe the sights awaiting us,

with thousands of King Penguins, Elephant Seals

and Fur Seals basking in the morning sunshine.

And as far as the eye can see.

The mountainous, craggy back-drop and 'calving' glacier

was an even greater bonus than we ever expected.

And I do believe, the Belasconies are there!

South Georgia was just the start of an epic voyage

and little did we know what sights and sounds

we had in store as we headed even further south

to the northern peninsula of Antarctica.

the beach bum

Surfers and Sequins

2009-08-05T20:23:00.001-07:00

We're in the rainy season, yet over the past few weeks we've been able to enjoy idilic weather, however, the seas have become more 'seasonal'
with huge waves and confused seas.
With a full moon imminent, rip tides and undertow have been the concern of the
resident lifeguards who,
particularly in view of recent fatalities have had their work cut out for them.
Lets face it, few people take notice of red flags flying and clear and obvious signs of danger.
To be honest, it's mainly local people who disregard the warning signs,
therefore a blast on the whistle and some strong words
and the offenders meekly make their way back to the beach.
Until recently, the whistle has been the sole preserve of
car park attendants!
Of course, it's a totally different story for the surfers who are in their element with decent 'rollers', but they are sensible enought to respect the elements and weigh up the pros and cons, balancing the possibilities of a 'clean surf' with the confused and unpredictable.

Of course, rough seas, don't preclude the beach strollers and revellers,
some of whom are a sight to behold. None more so than the 'Belasconies',
a delightful and attractive couple from Italy;
in their Autumn years yet, obviously very much in love,
they stroll the beach, morning and evening, hand in hand,
totally wrapped in each others complany.
This could sound tacky if it wasn't so delightful,
but they are ALWAYS in matching coordinated colours,
even to the choice of head covering.
Madam Belasconi, it would appear, doesn't do casual,
as even in swimwear she has added a few assessories
and glitters her way along the shoreline.
What will tomorrow bring? A different outfit for sure.
As for Saran the Surfer.... 'let's hit the waves!'
The beach bum

A Snake in the Grass!

2009-08-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

If only that were true, but following an afternoon at the beach, I headed home to feed the cats, before going out for dinner.
Snowy, the number one cat, with her almost white fur and bright blue eyes is irresistible - unfortunately she is also, it seems, irresistible to most 'Toms', as they are continually sniffing around, looking for a bonk.
As well as petite and sweet, she's also silent, which has its good points, but in some ways is unfortunate. She mouths the words but can't 'meow'.
The other cat is Manky Mary, who was skin and bone a few weeks ago but has piled on a pound or two and now looks much brighter and even perky!
Although Manky Mary stays outside the house, Snowy has demanded right of access and has found a home on top of the kitchen fridge.
Showered and ready to go to dinner, I looked in the usual place to coax Snowy down and put her outside. Nowhere to be seen, I finally found her on the treadmill!
No! Not working out but frozen to the spot, looking over the edge.

She looked at me and mouthed 'meow' - no sound of course, then looked over the edge of the machine. she repeated this several times, until I looked over the edge, to find a snake looking back at me!
About three feet long and as round as a cork and not the apparently, innocent green, but dark in colour.
My first thought was 'Roger the Cabin Boy', the Ausie next door; well Ausies have every killer creature know to man, on or around their shores.
Not quite 'Crocodile Dundee' , but he did come armed with elbow length extra padded gloves, a pair of barbeque tongues and a net on a stick.
True to the Ausie character, Roger fearlessly fended off the creature and managed to 'net it' - but not for long.
Escaping the net, it slithered under the 'pump-house' door into the safety of darkness.
Not to be defeated, 'Roger the Intrepid', flung open the door, only to be met by the leggy leap of an outsized frog, heading towards us at an alarming rate..
The pair of us avoided the un-macho reaction of fright, but did take large backward bounds, to the cries of 'oh shit' before re-gaining composure and heading back to the dark, dank pump-house.
Now, determination had set in for Roger and with one mighty sweep with the 'net on a stick' , bagged the slithering creature once and for all, delivering it to the freedom of wasteland opposite.
P.S. Snowy the cat is still avoiding the area in question and miming a lot of 'meows' as if she's pleased with her hunting and stalking skills.
P.P.S. As she won't eat fish or chicken, it's hardly likely she would have attempted a meal of baby cobra.

The Beach-Bum

The Bull-Frog.

2009-08-03T03:07:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in one's life,

when Lycra should not be allowed on your body....

Call in the Fashion Police!....or better still 'Call in the euthanasia brigade'.

The Bull-Frog has exceeded his time in

Lycra by a minimum of thirty years and

should be banned from the beach.

A grossly overweight torso and who would insult an old turkey,

let alone a spring chicken, has the gaul, and the strength,

to force himself into what appears to be the smallest

pair of lycra swimming trunks on the market.

Not only that, despite his strength, even he finds it impossible to avoid,

most of his ass cleavage escaping, enough ass cleavage in

fact to comfortably park a bicycle.

There are no saving graces to the Bull-Frog,

not his peroxide permed hair, nor his choice

of – no doubt – Havana cigars, which never leave his lips

and protrude beneath his yellow nicotine stained hair,

constantly permeating the fresh ozone found in

aplenty when the Bull-Frog is missing.

Being an animal lover I won't comment on his choice

of canine friends except to say they would possible

make a small tasty morsel on a barbeque.

the beach-bum

Beach Cleanup

2009-08-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

But, first things first, it's time for this particular beach-bum

to start a clean-up campaign on this litter strewn piece of 'paradise'.

To narrow things down, we are just a couple of degrees north of the equator,

in a part of the world where plastic and polystyrene rules.

A place where you will have to battle with the shop assistant

to NOT leave the store with a plastic bag.

There is a huge responsibility living with plastic but unfortunately,

that responsibility, hasn't reach many people on these shores.

When the contents are consumed, the love affair with the container...ends.

The receptacle will more than likely be found in a ditch or hedgerow,

or worse still, by the shoreline where it becomes

a slave to the elements and is likely to be washed

out to sea to play its part in choking the life out of unsuspecting fauna.

Ramblings over, it's time, armed with, ironically,

large plastic sacks, for a clean-up. One hour later,

with minimal effort, ten large sacks, filled with polystyrene,

innumerable water bottles, disposable cigarette lighters

and enough single rubber flip-flops to dress a one-legged army,

are ready to leave the beach. The beach attendant ' O-bejoyful',

a sturdy lass with a tattooed leg and the personality of a slug (sorry slugs),

has managed to change her lifeless expression to one of disbelief,

as I hump the ten sacks up the rocks to an area where there

maybe a 50 – 50 chance of them being removed safely.

The next day, the small, now clean beach is particularly

busy with horizontal tourists enjoying the overpriced,

sun-chairs and parasols.

'O-bejoyful' is by now mustering a third expression,

as near to happiness as possible, as she rakes in the 'ding-dongs'

and therefore is able to pay the daily-visiting loan shark

'Imascammer' whose loan services were used

on what must have been a string of rainy days, somewhere in the past.

The interest rates, apparently, make the sunbed

rental charges seem very affordable. As I was leaving the beach,

following my compulsory 'sundowner', the faint remains of

'O-bejoyful's' smile was still in evidence.

'Good day today' she exclaimed, raising her thumb to the vertical.

'Probably because the plastic has been cleared from the beach' I replied.

The following day, 'O-bejoyful' was herself armed

with a plastic sack and offering half coconut shells

filled with sand as ash-trays.

Could it be, the message has been received?

Has 'O-bejoyful' gone biodegradable?

It's certainly a good start,

but we need now, to concentrate on the people who

disregard this beautiful island by leaving the garbage in the first place.

The Beach-Bum